Human beings. We have such a proud record to look back on. At some point way back we were able to figure out that sloshing around in the water had only so much utility and land was the way to go. Having done that, it didn’t take us too much to realise that the real action as probably a little higher than a few inches off the ground. So we grew appendages to crawl around. Over time we were able to trot around on all fours and pick stuff bushes and catch the odd slower co-inhabitant. But to do any real foraging, we needed to be using more than our mouths, so we decided to “stand up”. Opposable thumbs were the icing on the cake about the same time that we shed all that unnecessary hair to save on shampoo and conditioning costs. Fire, the wheel, language…all the good stuff followed.
Somewhere though, we got sloppy. How else do we explain those unnecessary, problematic hard bits called wisdom teeth? It took a lingering ache over several weeks to get me to get an x-ray and an outcome that made me wonder if it was a spoof of some sort to go to that place. There might be people who treat visits to dentists as nonchalantly as James Bond dodges bullets and beds the girl. I’m not one of them. I consider going to the dentist like purposefully placing my foot on a bar of soap in the bathroom. While it’s not necessary that you will hit your head on the basin and lapse into a coma, the best you can hope for is a bruised posterior. Having your sibling (and butt of most of your jokes) of 26 years peering over you in a white coat and gloves with metallic instruments doesn’t do much to calm your nerves.
Multiple pain-killing injections, lots of pulling, swearing and tugging on the part of the two assailants (dentists) and after the best part of two hours, the offending tooth was shown to me in pieces, much like shrapnel from a war wound. The tooth, aside from growing at a right angle to the others was also rotated apparently, hence all the tugging and swearing. The rest of the weekend was spent holding ice packs to the side of the face that kept ing to puff up by tennis ball proportions. The only upside was the prescribed diet (aside from painkillers); “any ice-cream without nuts”.